Yours, Mine, Theirs, Ours and is anybody Listening?
By Dina Bachelor Evan - Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California and a life/soul coach in Arizona working with individuals, couples and corporations. For more information call 602-997-1200 or email her at Drbe@attglobal.net or visit www.DrDinaEvan.com

There is a frustrating phenomenon happening in meetings, corporations and families that is shaking up boundaries and screwing up communication!  For the longest time I have been trying to figure out why it is I suddenly feel like a stranger in my own family. And, as an Executive Coach I hear the frustrations and complaints from team members and managers who feel they are not being heard or understood. It is as if we are all speaking Greek. The problem is that for the first time in history, we are working and living with four generations of people who all have different values and needs that divide us. *

We have the Builders, the people who were born before 1946 who experienced the great depression and/or World War II.  These people value financial security, teamwork, family; sacrifice, moral values and can tolerate delayed gratification. They long for extended families to be close and want relationships to last lifetimes. They like to pay cash and save. This generation is constantly in the longing for time with kids, grandkids and family, who, more often than not, could not be bothered and see little value in time with them. The highest tech instrument of their era was the slide rule and the television.

  The Baby Boomers were born from 1946 to 1964 and had a very different life. They came into an affluent time and got spoiled by parents who insisted they have a better life than their own. They are more aware of politics, more savvy and have difficulty trusting big biz and the government. Into individualism, sensuality and self-fulfillment, they started the sexual revolution and the flower child mentality. They have been divorced, remarried, divorced and often had a working mom. They had a hard time entering the work force due to a lack of good jobs so they have a “buy it now while you have it” mentality. Their tech’y skill was the calculator.

  Born between 1965 and 1976, The Generation X’er’s grew up in hard times financially and with little security due to recessions and a struggling economy. They lost connections with kids who often felt abandoned by many single heads of household, single moms and absent parents who were trying to make ends meet in difficult times. They struggle with money and are conflicted with a “want it now” attitude and mixed feelings about committing to careers and jobs.  They are cautious having experienced a war and need time to create trust. The biggest technical advancement for them was the computer.

  And finally, there is the Net Generation of those born from 1977 to 1997.  These kids grew up with computers and technology and can program pretty much anything with their eyes closed. They have incredible skills and knowledge and a sense of optimism about the future. They love to compete, be challenged with new and difficult tasks and they want opportunities to advance. They have no problem telling you that they do not intend to stay long at your company or will be taking your job soon. They are just entering the work force but have had great relationships with their parents and therefore also have good self-esteem. They are tolerant, diverse and a group of “anything goes” adventurers. 

  Is it any wonder that we do not hear each other? We are having a clash in values and we all want something different hence the great divide in relationships, in families, at work, and in literally every place where we all gather from social activities to the senate.

If we are going to sty out of the frustration and get into ethical communication, we have to understand what is important to each of us and why and then we have to let go of the expectation that everyone should feel like we do.

Darn! 

It’s exhausting and now that I know I am not an alien, I have to stop writing this column and go put together a workshop on how to make the Builders feel valued, the Boomers feel fulfilled, the Xer’s safe and the Net bunch challenged.

That’s a lot like standing in front of my desk asking it to be a tree….sigh. Oh well, one day at a time.

  *(Four generation info revised from Dr. Rick and Kathy Hicks )