by Katy Ayotte
As a person with a serious mental illness
and working in the field of recovery, sometimes we forget to take care of
ourselves. I had built my recovery around recovery. In the span of a couple of
years I had slowly lost focus on my own recovery dealing with the compounding
stresses of the bad economy, budgets, work, and family life. Quite simply, I had
not taken the time to help myself. So as I began to take a moment, I realized
that this past year has provided me with more than I can handle on my own.
Recently I realized that I needed to ask
for help. I am fortunate to have supportive family, friends and co-workers who
always help me to see challenges as opportunities for growth…but I knew it
needed to be more. I reached out to my clinical team at the site where I receive
services only to realize that by mistake the dates had gotten mixed up. By all
means this "mistake" turned out to be a wonderful experience.
My clinical liaison greeted me when she
heard my voice in the lobby and invited me to her office so that we could talk.
During our conversation she listened, offered me choices and most importantly
let me know that she cared. She also made an appointment for me to see my doctor
at the first available opening of the week and took a moment to call me the next
day to "check in". I felt like I mattered.
When I went to see my doctor that I have
had for the last three years, within the first five minutes he let me know how
concerned he was. Although I was a bit resistant at first, his caring became
evident. This was the first time since I have known him that he got up from
behind his desk and came and sat down next to me. He looked me in the eye and
once again expressed his concern. He even encouraged me to read what he had
written in my chart that day. We had a conversation about what my options were
and then he got up and walked with me to my clinical liaison’s office. He said
to her, "we need to help Katy. Let’s put our heads together and figure
out how we can best do this."
This was an incredible moment for me. I
have a new found trust and respect for my clinical team. What has made the
difference is that I now see the relationships growing and becoming a
partnership. I believe that they truly care about me and my recovery.
Communication and relationships are the
keys to change. I hope that we all can continue to encourage this kind of
change. It is our responsibility to ask for help when we need it, it is also our
responsibility to be open to trusting the people we have asked for help. The
ability to build a relationship with our supports is key. Is it fair to ask for
their trust if we are not willing to trust them?
Sometimes it can be the smallest of
gestures that make a difference whether it is eye contact, body language or even
the choice of words that show care and concern.
The impact of these can change the
direction of a person’s recovery. I dare not to think about where I would be
right now if a few key things had been different.
Would I have responded the same if…
I had felt that I was only worth 15 minutes of the doctor’s time slot?
They had not used my name?
They had not talked with me?
They had not looked me in the eye?
They had not treated me with respect?
They had not recognized that I am the
expert on me?
The list could go on and please understand that this list is as individual as the person asking for help. We all respond to different things. The one thing that universally we respond to is honesty, caring and respect.
I am blessed to have had these experiences, as I have been able to explore other areas for growth in my own recovery and gain new insight. I have been reminded that just because one is in recovery does not mean that we won’t on occasion find our selves asking for help.
The importance of recovery is the ability to see growth even in the most difficult of times. We then are able to listen with our hearts and find new meaning and purpose, even a deeper understanding of what recovery looks like to us.